(disclaimer–I’m not a Buddhist nor an expert on such things. The following information is simply my take on a Buddhist concept. Please explore the links provided for more (and better) information. Also, we are taking a break from the running theme).

I’ve been listening to a lot of Tara Brach lately, mostly at night before I go to sleep. A Western Buddhist meditation teacher and clinical psychologist, she has a soothing voice, and as riveted as I usually am by her talks, I generally drift off before she’s half way through. When I wake up at three a.m. with the next hot flash, I restart the talk and listen some more until I drift off again. I am pretty sure lulling me (or anyone) to sleep is not the intention of her talks, but they beat taking pills, and I always pick up a morsel or two of wisdom.

Letting Go is a recurrent theme in her podcasts from the Insight Meditation Community in Washington DC. Letting go of expectations. Letting go of control. Letting go of desire. In the last podcast I listened to (from 2014), she talked about how expectation blocks true intimacy—when we have expectations of other people, situations, experiences, we miss out on what is actually happening in the moment. Instead we are focused on our own fantasy about what we want to happen, and we miss the opportunity to authentically experience the other person in the here and now. We forfeit the opportunity to meet people where they are because we expect them to be different, to meet our own needs.

I know it might sound kind of like hippie dippy voodoo shit, but I’m trying to put the theory into practice in my life. Last week, for example, I started a new quarter at school. I have some pretty high expectations about my classes, the instructors, and my classmates, as well as for my own performance in said classes. But what I discovered this week was that my expectations interfere with reality and serve only to make me miserable and take me out of the moment. Until I let go of my expectations of what I thought the class should be, I couldn’t fully participate in the class as it actually was. I was a wreck. Once I let go, everything improved. And trust me, Letting Go was no easy task.

Suffering, according to the Buddhists, occurs when we ignore reality, when we have expectations or desires. To avoid suffering, we need to Let Go. Tara tells a story about a guy who falls over a cliff and grabs onto a small branch on his way down (there’s always a branch), and as he dangles precariously over the jagged rocks, he calls for help. A voice commands him to Let Go. He asks, “God is that you?” “Yes,” the voice replies, “Let Go.”

The man calls out “Is there anyone else there?”

Letting Go is hard and scary, but sometimes the only thing we can do is to drop down into the abyss. There’s a true story (a book called Touching the Void) about Joe Simpson who was mountain climbing and fell into a crevasse, breaking his leg in the 150 foot fall. He couldn’t climb up out of the crevasse and after days of struggling, he finally realized that his only chance at survival was to Let Go, to drop down into the abyss. So he did. And he found a tunnel that he crawled through. The tunnel led to a town. He survived.

Give it a try. Let go. See if you don’t suffer a bit less and enjoy the moments a bit more.